Dennis Eats Out

He's Big, He's Bad and He's Going to Rock Your World. . .

Food Reviews - Dennis Eats Out . . . .

Hooters, Ottawa
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What is the deal with 'Hooters'? Back in Britain, we've always kept our tea and crumpets separate from our buxom beauties... but what the hell do the British know about having a good time?! Lured in by the day-glo orange sign, I investigated the gastronomic delights on offer...
Well, in case, like me, you've never been to a 'Hooters' before, you can expect a hearty den of testosterone, and beer-fuelled sports-watching - or at least that's what the guys tell their wives and girlfriends... because 'Hooters' also has the notorious novelty of only hiring chicks with big boobs.
Now, I had already heard the lore about these busty servers, although nothing could prepare me for, on my first ever visit, the bright orange, polyester hotpants, and low-cut tee uniform. Some dude spent a long time in the bathroom thinking up these costumes...
That is where the true attraction to 'Hooters' supposedly lies, the 'Hooters' girls. Just like Playboy bunnies, except they ask half-way through your meal "is everything okay?"
Nevertheless, based on the quality of the food at 'Hooters,' I can safely say that people don't frequent these restaurants for their menu. Don't get me wrong - their chicken wings are decent enough, it's just that 'Hooters' seems to bend over backwards to make sure that your plate is absolutely the last thing you're looking at.
Seeing the 'Hooters' girls run back and forth to the kitchen, dressed like cheesy 'Batman' villainesses, did start to make me wonder, however, if some people might find the atmosphere in 'Hooters' plain offensive. Afterall, its reputation is only a few notches above a common strip-joint. The only real difference being that the 'Hooters' girls keep their T-shirts dry (unless they spill a jug of beer en-route to a customer's table).
Couldn't it be that some may feel slanted that the management are so sexist that the world is denied 'Hooters' men? Some might possibly see discrimination in practice when they realise that there is no such thing as a plus-sized 'Hooters' girl? And some might even be so picky as to prefer that voluptuous bosoms stay underwraps until after dinner...?
However you look at it, I totally recommend a visit to the misogynistic, pin-up universe of 'Hooters' in the near future - before they put the entire chain in a museum! Alternatively, you could wait a few years and hear the immortal words: "Would you like a lap-dance with your burger?" The choice is yours...
Hooters Bite Back . . . . . . .
From: j.macphee
To: toby@dennisdaigle.com
Sent: Monday, March 31, 2003 8:16 PM
Subject: hooters food

>I agree that Hooters food is not the best food on the planet,
>and that a great deal of men are not coming in to just eat the food.
>I agree that it is the girls that draw them in like zombies with their
>mouths hanging open and the slight bit of drewel.
>As a Hooters girl I wish to assure you that Hooters is not just
>"a few notches above a common strip-joint".
>While the men sit there and eat their food they may not touch a Hooters girl,
>nor may they make a rude or offensive comment(s).
>Also I have a very difficult time seeing that in the future you may hear
>"Would you like a lap-dance with your burger?"
>Although it's far from appearing as a family restaurant that is what Hooters is,
>and all of the staff are committed to making it a suitable place for families to eat,
>despite the uniforms.

The Lobster Trap, Nantucket, U.S.A.
He's looking at me. Sitting up in the Praying Mantis stance, on a plate, in a bowl. My lobster's antennae reach out, but he is unable to snip at me as -
1. he is dead;
2. his claws have been disassembled and lie redundantly at his side.
'The Lobster Trap' says it all. They catch the best lobsters on the island of Nantucket, off the East coast of the U.S. Although, tonight our red-shelled friends are from Maine, as we arrived out of season.
Mr Pinchey is served cut in half - green goo in the centre, which is considered a delicacy. Lobster is like the steak of fish; it is top notch, aquarium grub.
Served with a silly bib and funny cutlery, like 'nutcrackers' to break the shell and a spatula-thing to spoon out the juicy goodness. We are even advised to 'suck' on the legs like straws - also a delicacy!
The meal was awesome and the waiting was good old-fashioned American hospitality. This is one trap I wouldn't mind falling into again… 'The Lobster Trap' - WORTH SHELLING OUT FOR! DD

Golden Palace Chinese Restaurant, Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. ------------------------------------------------------------ Longing for good old fashioned British food, I ventured out of my hole in search of curry (?!).
I soon arrived at the only open take-away joint that frosty Sunday morning - The Golden Palace. A chicken curry and rice, for around 8 Canadian dollars, was very welcome in my gurgling belly. A little oily, perhaps, in places and too bony in the meat department by far - but otherwise 7/10.
Nevertheless, the next day The Golden Palace was named and shamed by health inspectors as the top WORST restaurant in the whole city of Hamilton, in The Spectator newspaper.
With over 60 health violations, more than double the closest runner-up which had a mere 32 violations; my curry was prepared by an eatery notorious for rodent infestations and cooling rice by placing it in an uncovered bowl, on the floor, next to the back door, leading to the alley way, behind the restaurant. Alas, no permanent damage was done to The Daiglemeister, so the recommendation stands - 7 out of 10.DD

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