Dennis Goes East

He's Big, He's Bad and He's Going to Rock Your World. . .

Daigle Goes East -
Undercover Exclusive from the Eastcoast of Canadaland.
Welcome to a new report from Dennis D. Daigle; this time perforating the culture of Eastern Canucks.
In disguise, the leather-jacketed writer and playboy discovered stoned hosers, patriotism and plenty of sea food. His travels took him as far as New Brunswick, Prince Edward Island (nothing to do with the gay Prince) and Nova Scotia! Read on if you dare... Lobster

Fuelled by coffee, the road trip began... Leaving Ontario bright and early, and crossing the whole province of Quebec (where all the French are incarcerated so that they don't mix with the nice English Canadians) to arrive in New Brunswick. Now, N.B. is alot like Nantucket and New England - and I love Nantucket! So, from the get-go, I was having a blast.
The irony was not lost on me as I passed through little villages with names like Bristol, Bath and Avon (places familiar to me from the UK). Apparently Canada aren't good at making up names (unlike the Australians - good job on platypus and didgeridoo, by the way) so "borrow" many from England, Scotland and Wales. This led to me driving through a land filled with quaint place names from 'over home.' Nice.
New Brunswick also boasts many of the 'World's largest....' (fill in the blank). In fact, I'd bet N.B. has the World's largest collection of 'World's largest...' items! On my travels, I witnessed the World's largest lobster and the World's largest axe - which would come in handy if the World's largest lobster ever came to life and tried to attack people...
And they have the World's longest covered-bridge in Hartland. Superlative-tastic!
New Brunswickers aren't just hosers... many of them are stoners too. The smell of mar-i-ju-ana fills the air around office buildings, petrol stations, police cars... Everywhere. Probably explains why Saint John has the World's slowest 'Tim Hortons' coffee shop. "Heeeeerrrrrreeeeee'sssss yyooouuuurrrrr cooooffffffffeeeeeeeee." Very very laid-back servers, man.
The camping here was phenomenal though - and I'm not much of a camper, but I loved it.
The great outdoors! This was a good start to the trip. Crossing over the excitingly-titled 'Confederation Bridge' (as boring as it sounds), I arrived on Prince Edward Island - where they grow Prince Edward potatoes. The whole island has perfect beaches of red sand; I camped that night at a red cove with the tide coming in. Scenic and beautiful.
P.E.I. is like the Isle of Wight but bigger - slightly. Mc Lobster

The Eastcoast being... errr... on the coast, it has plenty of sea food for sale. P.E.I. is no exception. So where else should you go to sample the local delicacy? McDonalds, of course, for a McLobster (seriously!?). It lived up to its name and tasted like plastic.
The other claim to fame for Prince Edward Island is 'Anne of Green Gables' which was based here. I, personally, have never read this girly book but from what I gather it's a huge attraction. The Japanese go ga-ga over the little ginger-haired heroine, Anne. Not me.
Next stop, the capital of P.E.I. and the place where Canada was invented (!) Charlottetown. This is where many famous Canucks turned up from the mainland to create a new country. The politicians of P.E.I. were so convinced that this 'Canada' thing was a good idea that it took them another few years after everyone else signed on to join up... But they more than make up for it now by showing a video to tourists about how it all started here.
That night I stayed beside a beach with seals barking out at sea. Seals barking sounds like cats being strangled.
The ferry to Nova Scotia was pretty choppy, nevertheless, I made it in one piece. Thankfully, on board they sold 'Cows' ice-cream - a real treat from the Maritimes. I recommend 'Wowie Cowie' flavour.
Upon arrival to 'New Scotland' (it does have rolling green hills) I realised that it was nowhere near as 'touristy' as N.B. and P.E.I. Even the Native Indian communities couldn't be bothered to flog their hand-made souvenirs. The main highway route was beleaguered with potholes. In essence, Nova Scotia kinda sucked. Soon backtracked from Eastern N.S. to the capital, Halifax. I was planning venturing to the far East, Newfoundland, but a lack of icebergs around the island at the moment turned me off. Hey, if the icebergs ain't there, Dennis don't wanna be there neither.
Visited Halifax's Pier 21, where all the immigrants would first arrive in Canada years ago (instead of Toronto airport, where most arrive now, including me). If the parking prices that were present today were present back then, I'd expect most of the immigrants jumped straight back on the boat and went home!
Vacated Nova Scotia for friendly New Brunswick again (they're attached), and the sun immediately began to shine. Spent the day at Parlee beach and enjoyed a new kind of patriotism - Acadian. It's kind of French (except their French flags have a star in the top left corner!?) and kind of Canadian - a good combo as it goes. They fly their Acadian flag proudly everywhere and offer their own brand of cuisine.
I ate at Captain Dan's - good ol' fish n' chips - in Shediac (home of the World's largest lobster) and cruised up the scenic Acadian coastline. When I reached the Quebec border again, it turned out that forest fires were ravaging the province. A hazy cloud was hanging over the whole place. So, fuelling up on coffee, I set off on the crazy 12 hour drive back to Ontario!
It was a blur of a trip and I arrived that night, after hours on the highway, peeing in the woods, snacking in the car, in Ottawa - the capital of Canadaland. The next morning, well rested, I even caught the changing of the guards (a la changing of the guards at Buckingham Palace) before completing the return journey. Glad to see that Canada also makes their guards wear giant black tea-cosies on their heads!
It was a wild ride and I'd recommend the jewels of Canada's Eastcoast to you - and the people who live there. Yet, if the Nova Scotians took a leaf out of the books of their Maritime cousins, the world would be a better place.
Dennis Daigle will ride again in a new adventure...

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